I like to think of the good weeks as just that…gifts. I spent most of last year walking through a fog, unsure really what was going on with me. My vision was limited (bright days still cause problems – summer is proving to be a challenge) and I was blocked with depression.
But, I knew that the only person that could change these things was me. I still have moments where I catch myself thinking about days past. I do remind myself that this could have been with me a lot longer and the diagnosis was the reality check. That headache, blurred vision or clumsiness – it was my body giving me a warning. Less time in the Cinderella office and more time above ground should have been something that I looked into but the could have’s would not change anything.
So, where am I now? Well, I’m still hear writing for as long as I can. Do I have a fear that there is a limited time to share the stories I still want to share? Sure, but then again I’m aware of all the things out there and programs that exist to help me continue on. Going to Braille showed me that my love for writing didn’t need to end. I still have a voice but I communicate it a different way now. My third book, Cured, was done with really one eye working and the other still recovering from Optic Neuritis.
I will say that I do feel as if sometimes people look at me like “she doesn’t look ill, she looks like the picture of health.” Maybe I do look healthy but you haven’t been around at 3am. I’ve learned to live with my MS…I’m fourteen months into this and I’ve already shown it that it will not defeat me. I don’t see it as the elephant in the room but a waiting tiger and I’m the one taming it.